I Am Revenge
by Nerwen Aldarion
Summary: Companion to Lavinia: When Sanford's arraignment takes an unexpected turn, Lisbon is forced to face the possibility that her rapist will go free, meanwhile another case makes her question her decision to face her past alone. Jisbon
1. To Ease the Gnawing Vulture of Thy Mind

Disclaimer: I own nothing

**WARNING: STOP RIGHT NOW IF YOU HAVE NOT READ MY FIC LAVINIA! THIS FIC WILL NOT MAKE ANY SENSE IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THAT ONE AND PLEASE DO SO. YES IT IS OBSCENELY LONG BUT IT'S MY MASTERPIECE SO PLEASE TAKE SOME TIME TO READ IT BEFORE DIGGING INTO THIS ONE!**

A/N: I never intended Lavinia to have a little sequel. The thought never occurred to me except I always played with the idea of Lavinia taking place on the show. What would change? What would they do differently and how would it permeate in later seasons? The idea of Lisbon facing a rape crisis center took root in my head and I couldn't shake it out. I decided to combine it with an alternate ending to Lavinia that I was *this* close to writing but I decided to keep it with an epilogue for reasons that will be obvious. There is a twist at the end of this fic and I'll be damned if I'll spoil it for you.

* * *

I Am Revenge

Chapter 1: To Ease the Gnawing Vulture of Thy Mind

_I am Revenge: sent from the infernal kingdom,_

_To ease the gnawing vulture of thy mind,_

_By working wreakful vengeance on thy foes._

_Come down, and welcome me to this world's light;_

_Confer with me of murder and of death:_

_There's not a hollow cave or lurking-place,_

_No vast obscurity or misty vale,_

_Where bloody murder or detested rape_

_Can couch for fear, but I will find them out;_

_And in their ears tell them my dreadful name,_

_Revenge, which makes the foul offender quake_

_ ~ Titus Andronics Act V Scene 2 Lines 30-40_

* * *

The body was found dumped behind a rundown bar and an old convenience shop, the bartender had gone around back with bags full of empty beer bottles and found the surprise of his life. The bags were where he'd dropped them; a couple of bottles had rolled out and were now strewn across the alley. The frightened bartender was being questioned by a SACPD officer when the team showed up, notably absent of their team leader.

"Agent Cho," one officer said stepping up, "You taking the lead on this one?"

"For now," Cho replied, "Lisbon is at an arraignment."

"Which case?"

"Hers."

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Lisbon had gotten the call at the same time as the rest of the team but she wasn't about to leave the courtroom to go to the crime scene. She did send Jane though he fought bitterly. In some ways she was relieved he wasn't there, she needed his strength but also felt a little less self-conscious since no one she truly cared about was going to have to watch the proceedings now.

She doubted she would ever get over seeing Cole Sanford calmly sitting at the table on the defendant's side of the room. He was wearing the same blue prison jumpsuit as any inmate and somehow that made him seem even colder. It didn't matter how he looked though, he would always be a monster to her.

Cole looked behind him and immediately found her, she was sitting on the other side of the room in the back row. She wasn't supposed to testify today but she still wanted to watch. He looked away quickly, not out of fear or shame, more likely it was him dismissing her entirely. That split second of eye contact was more then enough for her.

It was easy now for Lisbon to conjure up his face, that face twisted with rage and hatred as he beat and then violated her. The truth was she had never gotten a clear image of him that night, the darkness and then her own shock meant she never saw who her attacker was. She'd retreated inside of herself when the attack had taken place, not even coming out of the fog until she was in the hospital. Even now the events weren't quite clear, images and feelings was what she remembered most. The pain of him slamming her head against the concrete, the shame of knowing that terror of being forced upon…Jane's horrified face when he found her stumbling in the parking lot. Those were the things she remembered most and what she knew would always stay fresh in her mind as the terrible night that created them.

Lisbon hadn't even noticed that the judge had walked into the room; she'd remained seated the entire time. Looks like she'd forgotten her court decorum in the middle of her thoughts. Her heart pounded while the judge called the room to order and the prosecution presented its case. District Attorney Carol Smith was the one who had taken Lisbon's case since she was one of the few DA's that didn't know Cole very well.

A cop raped by an ADA, there was something strangely twisted about that.

Carol explained that a plea bargain had been reached and the prosecution had accepted Sanford's plea of guilty in exchange for asking for a mandatory sentence of only eight years in prison and dropping the lesser charges of assault. Lisbon felt it wasn't a sufficient punishment for the bastard but asking for the full thirteen years in prison didn't sound much better. Either way it meant in a few years he would be out in the world again.

She wasn't exactly afraid; she mostly just hated the idea of them being able to breathe the same air. It wasn't the first time she questioned her decision to let Sanford live as opposed to allowing the members of her team to quietly arrange for something to "happen" to him. But Lisbon had too much respect for the law to condone murder as revenge…and she wasn't going to let her team do something that should be done by her own hand.

So this was the lesser of two evils, none of it made up for the greatest evil committed against her.

Now the judge asked Cole Sanford the big question. "How does the defendant plead?"

Lisbon watched as Sanford's overpaid lawyer stood up. "Your honor, my client pleads…not guilty."

What?

No! The agreement was made. He was supposed to plead guilty and then this whole nightmare would officially be over. Hadn't he already hurt her enough?

The judge raised his eyebrows over that turn of events. "What reasons does your client give?"

"The investigation was flawed from the beginning, your honor. A witch-hunt conducted by the agents in the victim's own team. How could they possibly be impartial?"

"And what does your client have to say about the DNA evidence?" Carol shot back.

"My client deserved a fair investigation, not one mired with investigators who could not possibly have been impartial."

"The evidence clearly shows Mr. Sanford's guilt," Carol continued, "not only was his DNA a match but the victim's necklace was found in his possession. Only her attacker would have all of that."

Lisbon hated being referred to as 'the victim'. Jane had called her a survivor, while not the best change in title it certainly was preferable to the alternative.

The judge banged on his gavel and glared at both lawyers. "I'll allow a presentation of the facts to determine if the investigation into the case is valid. This court will reconvene tomorrow morning to hear arguments."

She gaped at him in shock. So he hadn't dismissed her case but still left it as a very possible opportunity. This could be worse than Sanford being released in a few years…he could be released in a few days. A free man without a blot on his record and in the eyes of the law not the man who raped her.

And she supported this justice system.

Carol came up to her before either one of them left the courtroom. "You should not be concerned, Teresa. Your team did good work, this is just a Hail Mary pass that is doomed to fail."

Lisbon shook her head. "You don't know that. We both work with the law; we know that there are mistakes made all of the time. Sometimes they go free."

"It won't happen this time," Carol assured her, "The DNA evidence is the linchpin in this argument, no judge will throw out a case this strong." She finally looked a little chagrined. "But this does mean you will be called to testify."

Shit, that thought hadn't even crossed her mind.

She'd confronted Sanford once before, in the CBI holding cell where she was alone and in control. Testifying in open court was something else. Here she would be attacked, not by Sanford but one representing him. She'd seen enough trials to know that her whole life would be critiqued. If they wanted to they could drag her whole sexual history into the public eye with just a few well-placed comments.

It felt like she was being set up to be raped all over again.

* * *

Jane hadn't liked it that Lisbon had all but shoved him out of the courthouse when the call about the new case had come in. He'd wanted to be there with her during Sanford's arraignment, this was never going to be easy for her and more than ever she needed support. But she'd prodded him to leave, probably from some lingering shame over what happened to her.

He should have been there with her, damn the case that gave her and excuse to send him away.

With every passing minute he grew even more nervous. She wasn't answering his calls or his texts which really made him concerned, she only did that if she was mad at him or if she was avoiding him. So Jane kept a close eye on the elevator and then eventually stood by it, watching as it opened again and again, depositing dozens of people until finally the woman he loved stepped into the hallway.

As soon as he saw her he knew why she hadn't answered.

"What happened?" Jane asked, he already knew it wasn't good. Lisbon looked at him mournfully and then shook her head, trying to dismiss his comment but he grabbed her arm. "Tell me."

She looked resigned and slowly tugged at his hand to lead him silently to her office. She still hadn't said a word yet which did not help to ease his concern. They both walked past the bullpen and ignored the questioning glances from the rest of the team, they all wanted to know how the time in court went. But she still didn't say anything even in her office, just slowly closed the door, her whole body sagging as if she were carrying a heavy weight.

Finally she turned around and met his eyes again. "He pled not guilty."

Jane raised an eyebrow at that. "I knew he was arrogant but I didn't think he was an idiot."

"He's saying that the investigation was tainted because you and the rest of the team were in charge," Lisbon explained, "That you all set out against him."

Now Jane shook his head. "It's ridiculous, the whole thing is ridiculous."

"I know that," Lisbon said harshly. "But none of the evidence matters if the judge decides that my team investigating my rape means you guys weren't impartial, he could dismiss the whole case and Sanford could walk."

He understood that and he hated that idea as much as she did. He had the advantage of being a bit calmer about this; of course he also had been expecting this. Jane knew that there was always some way for things to get mucked up. He'd never liked this path; always wishing Lisbon had let them end this themselves.

"You shouldn't even be going through this," Jane said, "We should have taken care of this ourselves."

She met his eyes again; the true meaning of his words was not lost on her. "Don't think I haven't thought about that."

"We still have a chance."

"No," Lisbon shook her head. "I made my choice and I'm sticking with it."

"Even if it means letting him walk?"

"I don't want to hear about what I should have done. I did what I could live with. I wanted that opportunity to beat him. I know that upsets you but I was the one he raped, not you."

"You don't think I know that?" Jane asked, feeling is own frustration bubble to the surface. "I watched you fall apart because of that man so forgive me if I think he should be dead for hurting the person I care about most."

Her face fell and her voice grew softer. "I know...but it was my choice."

Jane saw how this was affecting her, and there was no way to forget that she was still healing from what happened. "I know it was and I respect your choice." He straightened, still serious. "But what if he gets off? Then what are you going to do?"

She shook her head "I can't think about that right now...if I did I might fall apart all over again which is the last thing I want."

"But it is in the back of your mind. You have already thought about it. Teresa, you don't need to be strong in front of me." He stepped forward and put a hand on her shoulder. "You know I'm here for you." She didn't hesitate now but all but threw herself into his arms. Jane held her close, stroking her hair gently, pretending not to feel the slight wetness on her cheeks. "Just talk to me."

Lisbon drew in a few ragged breaths. "You said it yourself. It's never really going to be over."

He swallowed and pulled her tighter. "It's true. But we can get through this; we already went through the worst of it. We'll do it again."

She pulled back a little and sighed again. "I know. But right now we have case."

"No one expects you to…"

"I need to do this, I need something to think about other then what might be happening." She cut him off quickly.

Jane wasn't sure if that was the best advice but he really wasn't in any place to dispute her, he'd used that same excuse himself. "Well I'm sure the guys have something for us."

Lisbon nodded and Jane pulled back but she didn't let him go so quickly. Standing up on her toes to kiss him softly on the lips, then deepening a little since neither one of them was good at denying their passion anymore. She eventually pulled away with a slight blush and shining eyes. "Thank you, thank you for staying with me. I…I don't think I could do this without you."

"I'm never going to leave you," Jane told her.

"I know."

They kissed one last time, sweetly before they separated and she led the way to the bullpen. They were always careful to keep things in the privacy of her office or outside of the CBI, no one but the team was supposed to know about them. Not that there weren't rumors but nothing could be confirmed.

It would certainly spread like wildfire if word got out that he'd moved in with her last month.

The team didn't comment on their private conversation though their eyes were begging for answers. Lisbon was back into team leader mode, snapping to attention and demanding professionalism. Jane would admit that there was something undeniably sexy when she issued her dominance; it was fun battling with her professionally and otherwise.

"The case, what do we know about it?" Lisbon asked, her tone making it clear that no questions about her own case were going to be asked at the moment.

"Body was found by a bartender in the alley," Cho explained, "She was strangled and dumped there."

"Do we have an ID?"

"Actually, we do," Grace said, flipping through some files on her computer. "SACPD said that the picture matches a woman who was reported missing this morning, Lisa Klippel."

Lisbon nodded, looking through the file of notes and pictures from the crime scene. "What do we have on her?" Grace looked hesitant and Lisbon caught it. "What is it? What are you hiding?"

Jane knew immediately what the connection not just because he snuck at peek at Grace's computer screen but mostly because there really was only one obvious explanation for her hesitance. The real question was how connected was Lisa?

"She works at a counseling center," Grace explained softly, "…for sexual assault."

Lisbon flinched and went a little pale but she was no hysterical woman anymore. IT still affected her though, especially when she was already facing a heavy blow. Finally she just shook her head and mumbled. "God hates me today."

* * *

Safe Haven was a small shrouded building hidden in Sacramento and it was not the first time Lisbon had heard of the place. She'd been given a card with the number of a counselor there by a compassionate nurse when she was still in the hospital after her attack, the same nurse that had inadvertently forged her obsession with Lavinia. She had thrown the card away, deciding that she didn't need help. That had been a foolish decision but for some reason Lisbon still felt hesitant.

She'd come to terms with what had happened to her and overcome it, but there was no way to deny that she still felt a bit of shame and embarrassment over everything. As much as Jane and everyone, even her former therapist, had assured her that none of this was her fault…there was no way to ever fully eradicate that doubt. But at least now she refused to give in to it.

Still as she stared at the building there was no way she could stop the voice in her head from saying _I could have been here_. Would she have gotten better sooner? Would she have found strength with others, unifying in their shared grief? But she'd never really been a joiner like that. She was a teammate but not one who shared her pain in public either. Ever since she was a kid and she'd hid the bruises with long sleeves and sunglasses, lying to teachers when they asked if everything was all right at home. Lisbon knew that she couldn't change her stripes that easily, couldn't just come out and tell everyone "I was raped".

Jane stayed close to her as they made their way into the building; of course he knew every thought she had. She wanted to be angry that Jane was inside of her head again but she never could, not in this matter. Jane had been the one person that had managed to keep her sane after her world fell apart. She trusted him completely to know that if he pushed her then he must know something more was needed. He wasn't pushing her now, merely keeping a watchful eye in case she stumbled and needed his help to stand up once more.

The woman in charge of Safe Haven was sweet looking woman in her fifties, her nametag read Mona. "Hello, you must be the agents from the CBI here about Lisa," Mona greeted them, no mistaking the sadness in her voice.

"Hello, I'm Agent Lisbon, this is Patrick Jane," Lisbon returned the greeting. "We are sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," Mona said, "it is difficult for all of us here Lisa was a good friend as well as a colleague. She was so important around here, she was the one helping to plan the Take Back the Night event in a few days. She was always wanting to help other women through the pain she herself endured."

Lisbon closed her eyes then, wishing she could ignore that comment. It only served to remind her of her own pain. But Lisbon knew how to cover up her emotions, at least as best as she could. "We have a few questions about Lisa, her friends and family, any people that might hold a grudge against her."

"Lisa's work meant she has several complaints, mostly from abusive husbands of women who come here. Some did threaten her. I can find a list of names if you would like?"

"Yes," Lisbon told her, "That would be very helpful."

She made to follow Mona but Jane hung back. "I'll stick around, take in a class." Lisbon rolled her eyes and let him stay; she knew not to fight him when he wanted to do something. She just hoped it wouldn't be illegal.

It didn't take long for them to get the files on complaints about Lisa. Lisbon had a gut feeling that this was probably unnecessary since the manner of death, strangulation, fit more of a personal nature then of one out of distant anger. But she wasn't of the habit of neglecting any aspect of the case and there was always the chance that her gut instinct was wrong.

She made her way back with Mona and both of them got alarmed when they heard shouting. But as soon as they hurried over to the open classroom it was obvious that the instigator was Jane and this wasn't him getting into trouble but being himself. The instructor didn't look happy with her session being hijacked but the other women were beside themselves over the guest.

Jane was explaining how visualizing and shouting at their attacker would provide more empowerment then simply talking about the attack, hence the screaming. Lisbon couldn't help but smile at her love; she knew he loved doing these small things, little things that could mean a lot. And he'd helped her so much during her own painful trial.

"Can't say his methods are appropriate but the results are intriguing," Mona commented.

Her smile bloomed at that comment. "Appropriate is never a word I would associate with Jane…but he knows how to help people." She turned back to Mona. "About Lisa…there is a possibility that someone close to her committed this crime. Did she have any boyfriends or someone who might know about her personal life?"

Mona looked a little hesitant now but she nodded. "Women who got through a terrible event like rape react in different ways…as I'm sure you know." Lisbon froze and turned to gape at the woman but Mona didn't waver. "Lisa had problems with men, she was attracted to men who were not necessarily available and therefore she did not have to trust them."

"She was having an affair with a married man?"

"I believe so."

Well that was interesting, very interesting. Lisbon nodded her head. "Thank you, my team will look into this."

Then Mona pressed a small flyer into her hand. "I think you should come." Lisbon looked down to see that it was about the Take Back the Night event in a few days. She met Mona's eyes and shook her head but Mona simply pressed on. "Many women find it helpful to share what happened to them, or merely to listen to the testimony of others. There is strength in numbers, Agent Lisbon. It helps to remember that you are not alone."

Lisbon was very close to breaking down. Her hands were shaking a little and her heart pounded. God this wasn't easy, it never would be how she wished that it was different. She shook her head, clearing her throat and batting down her emotions again. "I…I really have to get back to this case," she told Mona calmly.

Mona nodded her head. "I understand."

She moved away from the woman and went to collect her consultant and boyfriend. It wasn't easy extracting him for the other women who probably would have lined up around the block to talk to or maybe even propose to him. She'd love to tell these women that while he was certainly nice to look at he wasn't one they could handle…at all.

Besides, he was taken.

But Lisbon wasn't really thinking about how her boyfriend was an Adonis while also being a terror only she could handle, she was still feeling the heaviness of Mona's words. Jane noticed, probably because she tossed him the keys, something she never did unless she wanted to brood instead of drive.

"What's wrong?"

She thought about lying but that was impossible, not with Jane. Lisbon sighed. "Is there a rape radar or do I just have it tattooed on my forehead?"

"What?"

"Mona mentioned a few things and invited me to that rally for victims," Lisbon explained. "She knew what happened to me, she knew." She shook her head. "Is it really that obvious?"

"Only to those who know how to look for it," Jane explained, "You're a cop, you recognize other cops. She works with this kind of tragedy all of the time, she recognizes the signs. But the average person you meet on the street couldn't possibly know what happened to you."

Lisbon was quiet for a long moment, something that she couldn't help but remember from this conversation. "You did." She saw the look of pain on his face, the way his hands tightened over the steering wheel. "You knew what happened to me."

"Yes I did," Jane said, his voice low, no hiding that hurt.

She fell silent again, this time hesitating over whether to ask but her curiosity won out. "How? How did you know?" Jane didn't say anything and she knew just from the look on his face that he hated this conversation. "We never talked about that night…well we did but not about you. What you saw, what you felt. Can we?"

He still didn't speak but then slowly pulled the car into a near by parking lot and stopped it, his face somber and filled with pain. "What do you want to know?"

She turned in her seat and took a deep breath. "What did you see? How did you know?"

Jane looked away from her, out of the window but she knew he was seeing that terrible night when their whole world had turned on its head. "I found blood on the sidewalk and followed it into the parking lot. It didn't take long for me to find you stumbling next to some cars. Your dress was unforgettable that night."

Lisbon blushed a little at that comment. She never forgot Jane's comment _"You look like a jewel"_ and of course that powerful moment when they danced and their attraction for each other was undeniable. But the story continued on to the tragic part of the night. "I didn't know until you turned around. Your dress was torn with obvious intent…but it was your eyes. They were blank, almost lifeless. You were in shock and I knew if someone had just beaten you, you would be angry and calm. No, something worse happened…and really there was only one thing it could have been."

She reached over and took his hand, squeezing his fingers gently. "You held me, you kept me safe until the ambulance came."

He smiled meagerly. "I assumed you were still in shock, that was why you were all right with me touching you. Neither one of us knew how things would go after that." Yes the fact that for a very long time the only touch Lisbon had accepted was Jane's. They hadn't wanted to speak about the reasons for it, letting the blame rest with Jane being the one who found her and kept her safe. Now they both knew it stemmed from her strong trust in him…and the love that had been there all along.

"What about the team?" Lisbon asked cautiously. "I was so focused on me that I…"

"You had a right to think about yourself."

"I know and I really couldn't even think about how this was affecting you and them but now…now I need to know."

Jane looked away again. "I didn't tell them…not really at least. Cho and Rigsby told Grace."

"And how did the guys find out?"

He took in a breath and let it out. "At the scene, in the alley…we found your…your underwear." That last word was hard for him to say and Lisbon felt pain at just remembering that the loss of that particular article of clothing at the hospital was what tipped off the forensic nurse.

"Oh…right," Lisbon said feeling that shame. That must have been shocking to find something so personal and made it so obvious about what happened to her. "I'm guessing they didn't take it well."

"Cho took his feelings out on the dumpster but Rigsby remained calm. I didn't break down until I was out of their sight." Jane said that so simply that it took her a second for it to sink in. She'd never really thought about Jane being that upset that night, he'd always been so calm around her, the rock she needed to stand on when she needed it. She didn't know how he'd held it all in.

"I'm sorry," Lisbon said softly, "I'm sorry."

Jane shook his head. "Don't say that. It wasn't your fault, you know that."

"I know," she told him, "but I hate that you had to hide it from me."

"I'd do it again, I'd do it all again because you needed someone to be strong for you." Jane explained gently. "I don't regret any of it, helping you was the best choice I ever made."

Lisbon smiled a little now. "Because it made you fall in love with me."

He shook his head smiling now too. "I was already in love with you. It just meant I couldn't deny what I wanted anymore."

Lisbon felt warm all over now at that confession. "Is it weird that something so terrible turned out so wonderful?"

"No, it means something finally went our way for once," Jane told her, "and I'm not going to question it. Not this time."

"Neither am I," Lisbon said. She met Jane's eyes and felt a little silly smiling again after talking about something so intense. "Now we should get back to the case, we can talk more about when you fell in love with me at home."

"You promise?"

"Just drive."

* * *

There was no doubt that word over the arraignment had finally made its way to the rest of the team when Lisbon and Jane walked in. She saw the looks of pain immediately and she quickly cut to the chase. "I'm fine," she told them, "things will work out with the arraignment. We'll just have to see how it goes."

Okay, she wasn't really that calm about it but she needed to pretend that she actually had faith that Sanford would pay for his crime.

"The center gave us a list of complaints against Lisa," she went straight into professional mode. "Her colleague also said that Lisa was having an affair with a married man."

"That's interesting," Cho stated, his voice making it clear he knew something.

"What do you have, Cho?" Jane asked.

"The coroner sent her report, our victim was pregnant."

Eyebrows raised high with that bit of news and Lisbon shook her head with dismay. "I want to find out who this guy is, look into her phone records, anything that could give us a name."

She finished giving out the orders and made her way back to her office, feeling in control and like the professional she was. But underneath the surface she felt that familiar fear, what if she lost control again? What if things fell apart and she became lost in her own pain?

In some ways Lisbon felt like an addict, that she could fall back into old habits again and she had to resist temptation. Sometimes she still thought about it, it was impossible to truly rid herself of her obsession with Lavinia. Things came back to haunt her, a Shakespeare festival coming to town, a copy of the play sitting on the shelf of a suspect's house. It wasn't about her feeling like she was Lavinia anymore but she still felt a certain kinship with the character, the same feeling that struck her whenever a case dealt with sexual assault.

Just like Lisa.

Lisbon sat down at her desk and hated herself for giving into temptation the second she picked up the phone. A quick call and she was having Lisa's sexual assault case being emailed to her. The odds of this case being relevant were low but Lisbon still wanted to know. Maybe this was curiosity or maybe it was simply her feeding the flames of destruction again. She didn't know. But she was stronger this time, she wouldn't slip back.

But survivors had to fight for each other sometimes.

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Lisa's case was very different from her own. She's been attacked while walking alone in a park, she hadn't had time to defend herself, her attacker was a stranger…and he'd never been found. That was something Lisbon found incredibly painful…but she could also understand. She'd lived without a name and a face for her attacker for almost eight months, several of those months were by her own choice. She infinitely preferred knowing the identity of her rapist, true it meant there was a face that haunted her nightmares now but at least she didn't look in the eyes of every stranger and wonder if it was him.

She couldn't imagine living with that.

Of course Lisbon honestly didn't know what was worse though, never knowing who he was or knowing and having him get away with it.

It was something she had thought about and had pushed her to get her team to drop the case, she thought she could live without knowing who he was. Maybe she could but she'd made the choice to try again…and it let her look Sanford in the eye and see that he didn't beat her. But he could still win; he could still walk out of that courtroom without anyone being able to stop him. If that happened…well Lisbon wasn't sure what she would do but it might involve a gun and very sharp knife.

Carol, the district attorney chose that moment to call so they could go over the new strategy for the arraignment. She was almost annoyingly confident about the case still, completely certain that it will result in an easy conviction and everything would turn out fine. Lisbon wasn't so certain, perhaps she was just being cynical or maybe she was the only one who actually recognized the risks.

"The most important thing that can be done right now is for you to testify," Carol explained, "Testimony from the victim will do a lot to sway any judge."

"If you want me to testify do not call me a victim ever again," Lisbon said tensely.

Carol was quiet for a moment, thoroughly chastened. "Very well. But your testimony is important, it is the best way to appeal to courts."

"I know," Lisbon said, "and I will do whatever it takes to get Sanford convicted."

"So you will testify."

She sighed heavily and nodded her head even though the woman couldn't see her. "Yes, I'll testify."

"Wonderful." Carol continued to chatter on about what would be done next, how the testimony would go and other ways they would get around Sanford's strategy. Lisbon wasn't really paying attention though, she was too busy imagining what was going to happen.

She was going to sit up on that stand and have to explain to a judge and the rest of the courtroom exactly what Sanford had done to her. She'd never actually told anyone out loud what had happened with the exception of Jane, and that had only been in the hospital when she'd been angry and went into far much detail to try and scare him off. It had almost worked. Thank God it didn't.

Her statement was one she'd written down because no one on her team wanted to sit there and listen to her explain how she'd been raped. The truth was she didn't want to have them hear it either. Maybe she could tell them not to come? Maybe they would listen, not Jane, but then again he'd already heard the worst of it.

Lisbon listened as Carol continued to prattle on; sometime she looked up to see Jane standing in her doorway, just casually watching her. She smiled softly at him but she knew he could see how tired and frustrated she was. Lisbon waited until Carole had reached a stopping point and interrupted. "Thank you, but I have to go now. I'll talk to you about my testimony tomorrow."

She hung up her phone before she could get wrangled into an even longer conversation and sighed heavily. "You all right?" Jane asked.

She shook her head. "Just take me home."

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Jane knew exactly when she needed to be pampered. He didn't need any cajoling to fix her a good meal (one of the best benefits of living with Jane, after the fabulous sex) and he basically shoved her into the bathroom to take a bath and fully relax after the stressful day. But it was hard to let herself go, mostly because she knew exactly what was going to happen once she finally went to bed.

A couple of hours later she was in his arms, her head against his chest and listening to the familiar lull of his heartbeat and it was the safest place she ever felt. They hadn't said much that evening though, mostly speaking about light safe topics and not the ones that really needed to be let out.

She traced little circles on his chest, not progressing it past touching again, they were still coming down from the exhilaration of making love, a sheet covering their rapidly cooling bodies. Lisbon sighed once. "What if he gets off?"

Jane took in a deep breath and let it out. "You shouldn't think that."

"I know…but I am," she admitted.

He was quiet for a moment before telling her simply. "If he gets away…I promise you that he won't hurt you or anyone again."

She tensed then knowing exactly what he was talking about. "You shouldn't say that."

"That doesn't make it any less true."

"I know," she said, sitting up a little to look into his eyes. "The bad thing is that I'm not sure if I want to tell you not to do it."

"Then don't say anything," Jane told her simply.

"I have to, I can't let something happen to you. Not for me."

"I love you," he reminded her, "I'll do anything for you, especially to keep you safe."

"Then let me do this my way," Lisbon replied.

"I told you I would," Jane said, "but you know what I want."

"I do. But I made this choice and I'm going see it through. So far I still think it was best of our options…and he hasn't been set free yet."

Jane squeezed her a little tighter. "Are you going to be all right testifying?"

"I've already told him off," she reminded him, "this will just be a bit more official."

"I'll be there."

"I knew there was no way I could keep you away," she told him with a little smirk, "and I want you there. You kept me strong when I was falling apart, I think you need to see this through almost as much as I do."

He couldn't argue with that, just nodded his head. She leaned up to kiss him softly before settling back into her spot in his arms again. "I don't want to sleep," she couldn't help but admit.

Jane kissed the top of her head. "It's all right, I'll be here."

Lisbon closed her eyes and breathed deeply as she felt herself start to relax. She knew the nightmares would come tonight, too much had happened that day to stop it. But Jane would be there to bring her back. She was safe with him.

That was the one thing she could be sure of.

* * *

A/N: Not so angsty as Lavinia but this fic has almost begun. This fic will have at least two chapters, maybe three and the fun is just starting. Please let me know what you think.


	2. Confer With Me of Murder and of Death

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Hey all I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, real life is a bitch sometimes and right now it is doubly so but I found some time to finish this with a nice surprise. My sister Tin actually came back into the fold and wrote one of the scenes! YAY! LOL I'm so glad everyone has enjoyed rediscovering Lavinia, I hope you guys continue to enjoy this story.

**Anonymous Reviews:**

**Andrea:** This is just a very small fic that won't take me long. In fact there is only going to be one more chapter after this one. Don't worry, the others are still being worked on. In fact I already started chapter 4 of House of Cards!

**Anonymous:** There is a reason why I call Lavinia my masterpiece, so glad you are enjoying this one too

**Anonymous:** You did catch something, the team never actually HEARD Lisbon's testimony, rather they read her statement. The only person who has actually heard Lisbon speak about what happened is Jane. That's going to change.

* * *

Chapter 2: Confer With Me of Murder and of Death

"The defense implies that the investigation headed by Special Agent Cho was a witch hunt from the beginning," Carol Smith explained, "that the team went after Mr. Sanford from the beginning. We know that it is not the case, they pursued multiple suspects and it was only through irrefutable evidence that they narrowed it down to the defendant.

"The DNA evidence proves Mr. Sanford attacked and raped Agent Teresa Lisbon. There can be no questioning that. Agent Cho and his team did an admirable job finding and arresting the man responsible for this heinous crime. There is no cause for the investigation to be questioned."

Sanford's lawyer stood up. "Agent Lisbon is Agent Cho's supervisor, from the very beginning this investigation has to be called into question. How can we expect this team to be impartial?"

"Where is your proof that Agent Cho and his team were compromised?"

Lisbon watched again from the back, this time with Jane sitting next for her. She shook her head disgusted. "I can imagine the arguments if they found out we are seeing each other."

Jane met her eyes. "Our relationship has nothing to do with your case."

"You think his attorney would believe that."

"Another reason to agree with Shakespeare 'lets kill all the lawyers'."

She smirked at that statement. "Some days I can agree with that." Her phone buzzed then and she looked down to see that it was a text from Grace. "They got a lead from Lisa's phone records."

Jane raised his eyebrows. "Hmm, let me guess, her married lover is a major donor to the clinic."

"We'll have to see if you're right," Lisbon said with a roll of her eyes. She and Jane both quietly got to their feet and left the courtroom with the lawyers still battling it out. She wasn't supposed to testify until tomorrow anyways.

She hated this preliminary hearing, hated that this whole case could be thrown out because the best team to do it happened to be hers. Most of all she hated that she wasn't in control of this situation at all. But the part she could control was Lisa's case.

The connection with Lisa had formed almost immediately; all it took these days was for sexual assault to be involved. Then she saw the victim as something of a kindred spirit, another Lavinia in a world filled with them. While Lisbon had come to terms that she would never get over something like this, at the very least she could keep herself from going entirely obsessive over it.

Jane and Lisbon walked into the bullpen only speaking about Lisa's case, neither one of them was willing to bring up the other case that was on their minds. "You have the name of Lisa's lover?"

"Yes," Grace said and held up a list. "And six others."

Lisbon raised her eyebrows as she took the list of phone records. "All of them are married?"

"Yes and talk to her regularly."

Jane smiled. "How many of them are major donors to the clinic?"

"Three."

Lisbon gave Jane an annoyed look. "We're going to go talk to Mona again, see if she can narrow this list down even further." She turned around with the list in her hand and ignored Jane's knowing smirk, wondering for the millionth time why she was sleeping with that man.

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She still felt some trepidation as she walked into the Safe Haven clinic again, mostly because she wanted to pretend that she didn't belong here. The past year had helped her to come to terms with her rape but she still felt self-conscious, it wasn't something she wanted people to know about. Kind of like her relationship with Jane, as annoyed as he was that they had to keep it a secret, she wasn't ready to give Bertram a stroke quite yet.

They both met Mona in her office, filled with a few awards and pictures of her teenage children. "Yes, Agent Lisbon? Do you have any more questions?"

Lisbon nodded. "You said that Lisa was sleeping with a married man."

"I told you that was what I believed," Mona admitted, "but Lisa never told me anything, it was just my suspicions."

"And yet she was talking to at least six married men," Lisbon pointed out, "and three of them donate to Safe Haven."

Mona looked over the list Lisbon gave her, slightly stunned. "She was in contact with a lot of donors, it is possible…"

"How many of them were her lovers?" Jane asked casually.

The other woman was obviously pained by that question. Lisbon watched as her expression changed from fear to sadness and finally resignation. "Agent Lisbon, I know you can understand about this, how women react differently to the trauma of being raped."

Lisbon shook her head. "What does this have to do with Lisa's lover?"

"Many women react to being raped by closing themselves off entirely, not being able to trust men or even be able to be touched." Lisbon closed her eyes against the pain, the reminder that she had done just that. No one had been able to touch her, not the doctors or her brother…only Jane. "Others have the opposite reaction. In an effort to prove that they are still in control of their bodies they are a bit…freer with themselves."

Lisbon shook off her feelings and considered what Mona said. "You mean Lisa was reacting to her sexual assault by sleeping with lots of men."

"I'm afraid so."

"She was sleeping with all six of these men," Lisbon stated.

"It's certainly a possibility."

Jane and Lisbon exchanged looks but it was Jane who asked about the other elephant in the room. "Which one got her pregnant?" Mona's shocked faced answered that for him. "Ah, you didn't know. But obviously you talked to her about a lot of things, including her lovers. Was there one that stood out, one that she seemed to care just a little bit more about? Has to be one of the donors since he was so important to her…one that you saw paid just a little too much attention to her or one she spoke about once too often." Jane smiled that soft knowing smile. "Now can you do us a favor and tell us his name?"

Poor Mona didn't know what hit her, being mesmerized by Patrick Jane was something no normal woman could overcome and Mona was no exception. She blinked a couple times and self-consciously tucked her hands together. "Paul Bryant, he is one of our more recent donors and he and Lisa were especially close."

"Paul Bryant," Jane said nodding his head, "Thank you, Mona."

Mona didn't look quite as sure but did give him a tentative smile. Then her eyes flicked to Lisbon. "The rally is still going on, we plan to honor Lisa there."

"That's very sweet," Lisbon stated, feeling more than a little uncomfortable about the reminder.

"Many women will step forward and share their stories," Mona reminded her, "its part of the healing process."

Lisbon stared at the woman calmly. "Not mine."

She didn't wait around to have Mona try and convince her to go to the rally, she turned around and left the office having gotten exactly what she'd wanted. Jane followed her with a slight dismaying shake of his head. "That was a good way to avoid it, not exactly subtle but the point was clear."

"Don't tell me you actually think I should go to that?"

"Yes I think you should," Jane replied calmly.

They made their way out into the bright sunshine while Lisbon processed what he told her. "Why?"

"I think it will be good for you."

She unlocked the car and they both climbed inside. "I'm fine, Jane. You know I'm fine."

"Yes you are," Jane agreed.

"I'm not obsessing over fictional characters, I'm not panicking every time my air conditioner kicks in and I'm not drinking all night with a gun in my hand," Lisbon continued. "Yes I still have nightmares, but not every night and generally only when something happens to bring them back, like this preliminary hearing. But it is not getting me back into old habits, everything I am doing is perfectly normal."

Jane nodded his head. "I know that."

"But you still think I should go?"

"Yes I do."

Lisbon groaned and rested her head against the steering wheel. "Why?"

"Why don't you?"

She picked her head up and looked into his eyes. "What good is standing around at a rally holding candles going to do? It won't change what happened. It won't fix anything. I was raped. I was raped and it took a long time for me to get over it but I have."

"And that is admirable," Jane told her honestly, "You know I'm proud of you and you should be too."

She knew him too well. "But…?"

"But if you are so at peace with what happened to you why do you feel the need to hide from it?" Jane asked calmly. "That tells me that you still feel ashamed."

"I'm not ashamed," Lisbon insisted but Jane gave her a look. "I'm not!"

"Teresa, you know better than this."

"I'm not lying," she insisted, now more annoyed with her boyfriend then ever.

"Now this is just insulting." Lisbon let out a groan at that remark while Jane just chuckled. He did find her cute when she was contemplating shooting him. Jane sighed. "I know you are better, I know you are stronger and I know that you have found some measure of peace with what happened…but you also have tried to deny it. It's all right, its perfectly reasonable that you wouldn't want complete strangers to know what happened to you but you can't pretend it didn't happen with me or with those close to you…and that is what you do."

"No I don't."

He gave her another look. "Do you really think you can lie to me still?"

"I'm not pretending anything!"

"Teresa…"

"What do you want me to do, Patrick?"

"Go, just go and listen to what they say. No one is going to force you to talk. Just go and see that their are others dealing with the same trauma as you and they are moving forward just like you."

Lisbon was quiet for a moment as she considered his actually reasonable request. "I'm a cop. I'm not a victim. I'm…I'm me. I'm not Lavinia."

"I never said you were."

"I'm afraid if I try to reach out…I'll become them."

"You think these women want to be defined by what happened to them? They aren't," Jane told her, "They only share because they want to help. The way you did with Jenna." He studied her for a moment. "You are afraid that they will judge you."

"What?" Lisbon exclaimed, shaking her head emphatically. "I don't care about their opinion of me."

"Yes, you do. You care very much what people think about you."

She gritted her teeth. "That's not true!"

"Yes it is," Jane told her simply, "and I can prove it."

"How?"

He smiled knowingly. "Because you are afraid of what people will think about us."

Lisbon groaned again and looked heavenward. "Oh God, not this conversation again" They'd had this argument many times over the past couple of months and she wouldn't budge, the team already knew about their relationship, as far as Lisbon was concerned that would be the extent of it for the foreseeable future.

"We will continue to have this conversation until you admit it."

Lisbon finally turned to glare at him. "I don't want people to know that we are together because it will cause gossip and that will make it all extremely difficult to work with, not to mention the fact that Bertram will personally want berate me on my choice of men!"

But Jane didn't even raise an eyebrow. "Why do you even care what he thinks about you or us dating?"

"Because he is my boss and can make my life a living hell if he wants to...then again so can you."

Jane laughed, "If he even threatens to fire you then I'll threaten to quit and let us be honest I'm the golden boy of the CBI."

That only served to make Lisbon even more frustrated. "Oh good. So my job is secure because the CBI would be lost without you."

"Pretty much."

"Jackass," she muttered turning the key so they could drive away from the clinic.

"Maybe but you still love me and would be lost without me." Jane's grin was irritating.

"You know what you can sleep on your couch tonight."

He laughed again. "Awww, now that's just petty"

"Well, maybe next time you will think before you decide to open your mouth."

"I doubt it. But it's fine, you can have your punishment." He told her with a wicked smile. "I like sleeping on the couch."

"Oh really? Well maybe we should make this arrangement permanent." It was a bad threat and they both knew it, she was addicted to him after all.

Jane tsked at her pronouncement "You know meaningless threats are so beneath you."

"Beneath me?" Lisbon scoffed. "Says the man who becomes a child and plays a prank on every important person he comes into contact with."

"Just the ones who irk me."

"Which is everyone."

"Oh you don't irk me, I just like messing with you because you are so adorable when you're angry"

Lisbon blushed now, immediately softening from the compliment. "Enough."

But Jane was never done; he could charm the smile off a snake if he wanted to. "You're even cuter when you blush."

Now she was smiling. "God, I hate you sometimes."

"Only because you love me so much."

"I'm starting to wonder if I do."

Jane laughed lightly then and they both smiled, no longer pretending that they weren't in love.

* * *

In the end Jane and Lisbon didn't even make it back to the CBI, they got a call from the team about Paul Bryant's work address and quickly headed in that direction instead. It would be interesting to see which what his response to their questions would be. Both of them fully expected a straight up denial over sleeping with Lisa but they also knew he would probably be lying through his teeth and Patrick Jane the human lie detector would certainly be able to see it.

It wasn't surprise either that Bryant worked at one of the large austere glass buildings that screamed "I make a lot of money!" it was always the man on top of the mountain that seemed to be playing around the most. "Want to bet he has a corner office with a view?" Lisbon asked Jane as they walked into the building.

"No, but I'm willing to bet the kinds of plaques he has on his walls."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Forget I said anything."

Lisbon was right about the corner office and who knew if Jane was right about the plaques but she was a bit surprised to see so much football memorabilia around the Paul Bryant's office. From the looks of it he was a field goal kicker for the USC Trojans in the 80's and from the pictures, it looked like they won the championship or something. She didn't really follow USC football.

Bryant was still built like a football player, still rather fit for his age with a head full of slightly graying dark brown hair. He radiated confidence and flashed a smile full of arrogance that would have been arresting except he lacked the charm that Jane had in spades. "I'm Paul Bryant, my secretary told me you are with the CBI to talk about Lisa?"

"Yes, I'm Agent Lisbon and this is Patrick Jane."

He nodded sadly. "It's terrible what happened to Lisa."

"Her phone records show she called you quite often," Lisbon pointed out.

"Indeed she did," he told her without blinking an eye, "We have been discussing a fundraiser for the clinic, my wife and I are very supportive of _Safe Haven_. We were hoping to raise awareness to expand the facility even further."

"And that meant calling her home number?"

"Charity and awareness cannot always take place during business hours."

Jane actually let out a laugh then. "Oh that's very good, I liked that very much."

There was no mistaking the hint of sarcasm in Jane's voice and Bryant caught it easily. His eyes narrowed at the other man. "What are you suggesting Mr. Jane."

"Oh nothing, I was just complimenting your evasiveness," Jane explained, "It was a very good excuse, suggesting humbleness and you said it with such directness. It would be easy to throw someone off the scent like your suspicious wife. That is why she chose to help out at the Safe Haven clinic, no chance you would be unfaithful with women who are afraid of men…or so she thought."

Lisbon felt like kicking Jane in the shins. He would never learn to be tactful would he? But damned if he didn't get the job done.

Paul Bryant blanched a little at Jane's accusations then he clearly got angry. "Are you insinuating that I was cheating on my wife?"

Jane and Lisbon exchanged glances before she asked. "Were you?"

"No I was not."

Lisbon didn't believe him for a second. "Then you wouldn't mind coming in and giving a DNA sample." Forensics had already gone through Lisa's home; any DNA found on her sheets could be matched to any of their suspects…and of course a paternity test done on her unborn child.

"Actually I would," Paul told her and gave her the standard excuse, "I do not appreciate being treated like a murderer."

"Murderer?" Jane asked with a smile. "We accused you of being a cheater, you're the one who brought up murder."

"You son of a bitch!"

Jane took a step back reflexively but didn't look at that concerned that a former football player wanted to beat the crap out of him. "Now you're getting defensive. Could be your old sports mentality or more probably a guilty conscience. What exactly happened? Did she want more from you or was it just the baby that upset you the most?"

He really should have thought things through before verbally attacking a man from a championship football team. Paul Bryant had not qualms with attacking Jane physically, quickly delivering a grueling punch across Jane's jaw.

Lisbon stepped in immediately to restrain Bryant before he killed her consultant/boyfriend. "You assaulted a federal employee, now you're under arrest." Bryant didn't seem to care though but he knew better than to struggle against the woman with the gun. She finished slapping the cuffs on Bryant before turning to look at Jane. "You all right?"

"Right as rain," Jane told her as he winced back to sitting position.

She raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

All Jane could do was shake his head.

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Lisbon let Rigsby book Bryant while she dragged Jane to her office to lie down while she got a first aid kit. Her concern for him had quickly gone back to anger once she was sure that nothing was broken. "Do you piss people off just so I can play Florence Nightingale?"

"I piss people off to get results," Jane told her, wincing when she touched his sore jaw, "You playing nurse is just a nice bonus."

"You really need to learn to control yourself."

"I was standing up for womankind."

"Well, on the behalf of women I thank you, but you are still an idiot."

Jane grinned and then winced in pain again, clearly smiling hurt. "Well at least he's in lock up, that should give us time to prove he killed Lisa."

"You don't know that he did," Lisbon reminded him.

"Of course he did. He was sleeping with her."

"I know that," She told him with a roll of her eyes, "but that doesn't prove murder unless you have an idea."

"As a matter of fact I do."

"Why am I not surprised?" Lisbon asked with a huff. She pulled out an icepack and pressed it to his jaw, "It's disgusting really. After everything she went through…now this."

Jane set the icepack down so he could look into her eyes. "Some people might say she brought this on herself. She knew he was married, all of them were actually."

"I'm not condoning what she did…but I understand it. That need to regain control of herself, of her body…she was trying to prove that she wasn't destroyed." Lisbon looked away now. "It could have been me."

"You didn't like to be touched," Jane reminded her, "promiscuity would have been hard to achieve that way."

"Did you forget about that night I got drunk and threw myself at you? I was pretty desperate for control then."

"Yes but that was different."

"Really?" Lisbon asked.

Jane grinned again. "That was with _me_."

Lisbon couldn't help but smile and she shook her head. She put the icepack back onto his jaw, tempted to kiss the spot as the old wives tale said "a kiss would make it better" but her lingering annoyance over rid his charm.

Rigsby chose that moment to walk into the room, not batting an eye at her taking care of Jane. As long as he didn't barge in on them making out or god forbid anything worse, he wouldn't say a word in protest. "Bryant is booked but he'll post bail soon."

"We don't have anything to tie him to Lisa's murder."

"That's not true," Jane said, standing up with a groan. "Before he punched me, it was impossible to miss the ring on his right hand."

"So?"

"So it was a sports ring, those gaudy pieces of jewelry they wear to show off their accomplishments."

"As Rigsby said…so?"

Jane smiled. "So I'll bet he never takes it off, and since Lisa's murder certainly wasn't premeditated…"

"He was wearing it when he killed her," Lisbon finished, "if he did it then there should be bruising on her neck that matches his ring."

"Exactly."

Lisbon grinned now with excitement. "Rigsby call Dr. Wallace, get photographs and match them with Bryant's ring from lock up."

"Will do, boss."

She turned back to Jane with a smile. "Nice job…but you're still sleeping on the couch."

Jane just closed his eyes. "Not sure I can get off this one anyways."

* * *

Jane and Cho were the ones who got to interrogate Bryant in an attempt to save them all a bunch of headaches and confess. There was no mistaking the fact that the ring matched the bruising pattern on Lisa's neck. It was an old story, guy cheats on wife, girl gets pregnant, guy kills girl. This time it made Lisbon sad; there was no way she couldn't emphasize with the woman even if they had both healed in entirely different ways.

Lisbon had learned to trust her body and her heart to one man. Lisa had used sex to reassert her own control. Lisbon had chosen to keep her tragedy to herself and the few who knew. Lisa had used it to try and make a difference and help others.

For that Lisbon felt inadequate.

She wanted to be the one who broke Bryant with Jane but a phone call from Carol Smith ended that dream. The District Attorney wanted to go over her testimony and do a quick trial run before she was supposed to testify tomorrow. Lisbon had been focusing on the job on purpose; she hadn't wanted to think about what she would have to do the next day.

Carol was still her confident self as she explained what would happen. Lisbon grit her teeth to keep herself from reminding the woman that she had given dozens of testimonies over the years…granted this was the first time it was for her own case. Hopefully it would be the last.

"Now do you want to go over what happened that night?"

"No," Lisbon replied, "believe me, I haven't forgotten a second of it."

The other woman looked a bit shamed there, well good, it was stupid to ask her if she actually wanted to share about being raped. "Will you be able to testify tomorrow?"

"Yes," Lisbon replied confidently, "but I don't want to say it more than I have to."

Carol nodded her head. "Then we should go over what the defense is likely to say."

"You think they are going to try and get around the evidence?"

"I think they will want to bring up anything that will question your credibility."

Lisbon raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Is it true that your team relied on hypnosis to identify Sanford?"

She was caught short by that question. "Uh…well Jane was the on who saw the scar and he…they used that to start the investigation."

"Do you consider hypnosis to be credible?"

"I…it did bring out things I overlooked."

"But it is susceptible to suggestion. Patrick Jane has actually used hypnosis to plant things before hasn't he?"

"Yes but he didn't—."

"Can we really take your word for it? He is your friend and it is well known that he has been very close to you since your attack."

Lisbon shook her head. "Stop this."

Carol gave her a dismaying look. "I'm simply trying to prepare you for what the defense might do. That includes questioning your judgment, bringing up anything that could discredit you including your personal life."

Her personal life. Like the fact that she was in a relationship with her consultant.

"But this is a preliminary hearing," Lisbon reminded her, "It's not like a trial."

"Sanford doesn't want to go to the trial," Carol explained, "if he went to trial he will lose. There is no way a jury would turn a blind eye to the evidence. His only hope is to have the judge determine that the initial investigation was flawed. He's going to attack you, it's the only card he has left to play."

"He already attacked me." Lisbon stated. "He dragged me to an alley, beat the shit out of me and raped me. Then he sat back and watched it tear me apart for eight months!"

Carol nodded, smiling a little now. "Make sure you say that on the stand."

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Lisbon was still reeling a little from Carol's attempts to ferret out her weaknesses. The only blessing was that she hadn't brought up her sex life, probably because only the team knew she was seeing Jane. She'd been dreading the testimony she was going to have to give the next day…but now she was scared too. What if he broke her again? What if she fell apart? What would she do if everyone saw that she was still broken in so many ways?

"Hey," she said as she stepped into the bullpen. "How'd it go?"

They all met her eyes and she knew immediately that they saw that she was hanging on by a few weak threads. But they were sweet enough not to bring it up. "Bryant confessed once Jane pulled his tricks," Cho told her.

"I'm not surprised."

"It was sad," Grace piped in. "She thought she was in love with him, and she wanted her baby."

"That's what made him angry," Jane pointed out, "she stood up for herself and threatened to take everything else away from him."

Lisbon shook her head. "She finally trusts someone and he kills her…she never had a chance." There was no hiding the pain her voice and the silence that followed proved she's been outted. She sighed and turned to meet their eyes. "Tomorrow I have to testify in Sanford's preliminary hearing." No one said much, instead waiting for her to continue. "I don't expect it to be a simple testimony, I'm going to have defend myself and prove the investigation was valid…more than that I'll have to go into detail what Sanford did to me."

Tears pricked her eyes and she finally got to the point. "I'm telling you this because I'm not sure if you guys should be there. I know you'll say you should but…but maybe it's better if you don't hear about it from me."

She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath before letting it out. "All right, let's finish the paperwork on Bryant, then it's closed case pizza."

Lisbon turned to head back to her office and maybe indulge her tears a little more except she knew immediately that Jane was going to follow. He always was there to catch her when she fell these days.

"I know better than to ask you not to come," She said, her back to him as he closed the door behind them.

"Good," Jane stated.

She finally turned around to meet his eyes. "I'm scared."

"Don't be, you know he can't hurt you again."

"I'm afraid that this will break me all over again."

Jane took a step forward and put his hands on her shoulders to ground herself in his arms. "You know that the only way that can happen is if you let it."

Lisbon knew he was right. She'd always been strong enough to overcome the tragedy of her attack but she'd been too fragile to see it. It had taken hitting rock bottom and Jane's gentle guidance and love that had finally helped her to pick herself back up and overcome her fears. But she was still healing and there would always be scars, there was still the chance she could be destroyed all over again.

"I don't know what to do," she admitted softly.

Jane smiled at her, a sweet tender smile. "Don't be ashamed to ask for help."

He would help her, she was certain of that. But Lisbon found that she wanted someone else's guiding hand as well. Her thoughts immediately turned to a number that was still in her cell phone but she hadn't dialed in months.

* * *

"I'm glad you called," Nancy Cargill said. She was sitting serenely in her chair with her notebook in her lap and her pen limp in her hand. It was a posture Lisbon had seen her in hundreds of times, calm and peaceful to her turmoil. "I was wondering if you would."

"Really?" Lisbon asked. It had been months since she'd seen her ex-therapist.

"Yes, I was told that the trial would be starting soon. I knew this would bring back unwelcome memories and feelings, it's not uncommon that my patients return from the renewed stress."

"Renewed stress," Lisbon repeated with a mocking smile, "That's one way to put it."

"Would you mind telling me what has brought you here, Teresa?"

"Stress."

Nancy gave her a patient smile. "And what has caused this stress? You have friends and Jane you can turn to for help, but you came to me. That says to me that you want to talk about this."

Lisbon sighed. She had forgotten how good Nancy was at getting her to talk. Sometimes she hated that. "Sanford's lawyers have ordered a preliminary hearing on the validity of the case. If the judge thinks that the evidence is tainted, Sanford will walk."

"I see, and are you questioning the validity of the case?"

"No," she said immediately, "My team did an excellent job. They were cautious and made sure that they covered every single step they took. I couldn't have asked for a better team to handle my case."

"Then what are you afraid of?"

Lisbon looked down at the tops of her shoes. "That the judge won't see that. That he'll take on look at the case, see a cop who was raped and decide that I could have done something and throw it out."

Nancy nodded. "You're afraid that you're job will make others believe that you didn't do enough to save yourself."

"I guess."

"What do most people do when they find out about your attack?"

Lisbon thought back to Mona and how she'd somehow managed to figure out just from looking at her that she had been raped. She hadn't judged her, but she had tried to get her to talk about it. "I don't know," she said instead.

"You do know."

"Not many people know outside of work."

"You haven't talked to anyone else about this?" Nancy asked.

"I've talked to you."

She gave her the patient smile again. "Teresa, you know that is not the same thing. Now I can see this bothers you, why is that the case?"

Nancy could be as intuitive as Jane sometimes. She hated that. "Teresa?" Nancy asked, "In order for you to be relieved of your stress, you have to talk about it."

Lisbon sat back into the couch with a sigh. "I had this case. A woman was murdered and it turned out that she'd been raped in the past. She wound up working at this clinic to help other woman who've been raped. The director of the clinic could tell that I have also been raped. She kept trying to get me to get involved in their activities, but I didn't want to."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't like to advertise what happened to me."

"Why would you call it advertising?"

"I mean, that I don't like to talk about it with people I don't know."

"Before you didn't like to talk about it with people you did know," Nancy pointed out, "Maybe this is the next step."

"I thought I was done with recovery," Lisbon said.

"Teresa, you know something as traumatic like rape isn't something that you can ever really recover from. You took your life back, but it did change you. You are a law enforcement officer. Why did you decide to take that career path?"

Lisbon thought about it for a moment. "My mom was a nurse. I thought about doing that, but it seemed so…bland I guess. I wanted to do something that made me feel like I had control, something that wasn't about putting on band-aids but actually stopping bad guys from doing harm."

"You wanted to help people."

"Yeah. She always did, in some way I wanted to be like her."

"Then perhaps you should look into this Mona's ideas," Nancy said, "You could be right. Some people will look at you and think that as a cop you should have done more. But women like Lisa, women who have been raped, they might look at you and see a hero. Someone they can strive to be."

"Really?" Lisbon questioned dryly, "A hero?"

Nancy smiled again, "It's not the first time someone has seen you like that. In a lot of ways, you already are one. Just because you have some scars doesn't mean you aren't strong, that you aren't someone to be looked up to."

'Saint Teresa', that was the name some reporter dubbed her when she put away the serial pedophile. She had always been embarrassed by that, even though her brothers had been so proud. She never really thought of herself as anything but a cop. She never cared much for heroes since they were usually the ones who got killed. As a kid, she'd thought her dad was a hero until he turned into the villain. But she did want to help people. She did want to make a difference.

"I'll think about it," she said.

Nancy continued to smile. "That's a good start."

* * *

Lisbon was a woman of her word; Jane was sleeping on the couch that night. Inevitably the annoyance he was at work came back to haunt them at home too. She used to just kick him out when he did something that pissed her off, now that he had moved in she was forced to resort to just kicking him out of their bed.

But this time she couldn't feel any anger as she lay alone in the bed. She stared at the ceiling missing his safe warm presence especially now when she was caught up in so much personal turmoil. She'd come to depend on Jane so much after her attack, she wanted to hate it but couldn't, not when they both found so much happiness any each other. That was what love was, finding that one person that you couldn't survive without.

Finally she gave up on any pretenses and crawled out of the bed. She snuck downstairs to see Jane lying on the couch, a pillow and his blanket his only companions. Lisbon crept over to him, as quiet as could be so as not to disturb him.

"I knew you'd come down eventually."

Lisbon jumped at the sound of his voice and found herself looking right into Jane's eyes. "Are you going to be a jack ass about it?"

Jane grinned, his teeth still flashing in the darkness. "No." Instead he pushed the blanket aside and opened his arms for her. She crawled right in, lying on top of him, resting her on his chest.

She sighed in contentedness, finally feeling good again now that she was in her safe place. But there was no ignoring the heavy sadness and fear settling around her. "I have to testify tomorrow," she said softly.

He nodded his head, his chin rubbing against her hair. "I know."

"I'm afraid."

"You'll be in a courtroom with a baliff and other agents, all carrying guns. He can't hurt you again."

"I'm not afraid of him hurting me," Lisbon replied and then thought about it again. "Okay, I am but mostly I'm afraid…I'm afraid he'll break me again."

"He can only do that if you let him," Jane repeated what he'd told her before.

Lisbon sat up a little to look into his eyes. "But I'll have to tell everyone what he did…what if I fall apart?"

Jane reached up, his thumb gently caressing her bottom lip. "You won't. You won't because what you really want to do is look him in the eye again and let him know that he doesn't own you. That the true victor in all of this is you…and me."

"And you?" Lisbon asked raising an eyebrow.

He grinned again. "Well I'm lying on a couch with you on top of me, I'd say I won."

She lightly smacked his chest but was really laughing. She was still giggling as she settled down again back into his arms. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For loving me."

He kissed her temple. "It's the easiest thing I've ever done."

There might be more comfortable places to spend the night but neither one of them cared. The morning would bring pain and fear. For now they wanted to just enjoy the night.

* * *

A/N: I know a tease but the next chapter will be the last. It's big, it's huge! You get Lisbon's testimony and you find out what is going to happen to Sanford. You will NOT want to miss it :-)


	3. And In Their Ears Tell Them My Dreadful

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Well this is it. The final chapter of I Am Revenge and the ending of Lavinia...again LOL. This is the chapter I couldn't wait to post, you'll find out what happens to Sanford and I hope you guys enjoy the surprise hehehe. I can't spoil it, just go on and read it!

**Anonymous Reviews:**

**Gojisbon:** You'll see how Lisbon's personal life is brought out in the hearing, hehehe I'm sure you won't be disappointed.

**Carla: **Muahahha my plan is working! LOL You'll see how this fic ends, I'm not going to say I won't write another sequel because I can't ever say whether or not the muse will hit me with the Lavinia stick again. We'll see.

**Anonymous:** Oh you'll enjoy it! hehehe

**Anonymous:** You shouldnt be disappointed by what happens to Sanford...but it might not be what you expect ;)

**Anonymous:** Not too long, hope the wait was worth it!

* * *

Chapter 3: And In Their Ears Tell Them My Dreadful Name

Lisbon dressed professional, black pantsuit with a simple white blouse. She was sober as she put her make up on, trying to hide the dark circles under her eyes. Jane was just as somber and quiet, but he offered reassuring smiles whenever he could. His gentle touch was enough to make her feel better about what was going to happen.

She knew better than to ask Jane to stay away, he wasn't going to leave her to face this alone even if it would only cause him pain. The truth was the was the one who knew what happened the most, he'd experienced her nightmares, he'd seen her alone in that parking lot…and heard her describe it when he hypnotized her. But something felt different this way; this time it was more like a confession.

Finally they made it to the courthouse and for a few minutes all she did was sit in the car staring up at it, Jane was kind enough to stay quiet as she fought her own inner battles. "All right," she said with a heavy sigh, "I can do this."

They both got out of the car and Jane didn't hesitate to take her hand, she didn't fight him on this. It wasn't a blatant clue that they were in a relationship…besides, she needed his strength. They made their way to Courtroom three and she stopped short when she saw who else was standing by the doorway.

The rest of her team was waiting outside. She wanted be angry but she felt a bit of motherly pride at their decision. "I thought I told you to stay away," she said, not sounding mad at all.

Cho was the one who spoke up, "You knew we wouldn't."

She shook her head. "Are you sure you'll want to hear it?"

"Pretty sure we don't," Rigsby admitted, "but you know you want us here."

Lisbon smiled softly. "Well it's not like I can force you to go." That was the closest she could come to admitting the truth.

They didn't get the chance to talk much before Carol came over issuing the unnecessary instructions about having to testify. The day in court was about to begin and she had to remain outside. The team all gave her small smiles as they filed into the courtroom to sit and wait for her testimony to begin.

It seemed like forever that she sat outside on the bench, waiting for the bailiff to call her in. She'd done this before, never for herself, somehow it made the stakes seem even higher. If she failed…then it was her safety that was at risk. She wanted to win this one, more than any of the others. Maybe that was selfish, but that was allowed.

"Agent Lisbon?"

She looked up to see the bailiff giving her a soft look. With a sigh, she stood up and made her way into the courtroom.

It was mostly empty, this was a preliminary hearing after all and the reporters had long since forgotten about the raped CBI agent, maybe it would come up when the trial happened. She hoped not.

Her team sat together on the row behind the prosecution, she caught their eyes as she walked past but tried to stay strong. No one was sitting with the defense.

Lisbon climbed up into the witness stand and put her hand on the Bible, swearing the oath she'd sworn dozens of times. Then she sat down and prepared for the worst.

Carol was being the professional, and was extremely confident. "State your name please."

"Special Agent Teresa Lisbon."

"You are an agent for the California Bureau of Investigation, is that correct?"

"Yes it is," Lisbon replied, these were the easy ones.

"Now, do you know the defendant Cole Sanford?"

Lisbon nodded, flinching a bit at the name and hating herself for it. "I met him several times in a professional capacity, nothing more."

"And how did you interact with him on September 17th of last year?"

Lisbon sighed, now this was getting to the bad part. "I and my team were investigating the allegations of evidence tampering in an unrelated case. Sanford's name was on the evidence docket and while looking into his background we found a possible motive, he was brought in for questioning."

"Did you question him yourself?"

"Yes I did."

"What happened exactly?

"I asked him questions about his financial history and asked if he had been involved. He denied it and we had nothing to hold him on. My team continued to look into the case and eventually proved that someone else entirely was responsible."

Carol nodded her head as if she understood. "Was that the last time you saw the defendant?"

"No," she admitted, "I was at the CBI fundraiser when we met again. He asked me to apologize for investigating him."

"Did you?"

"No, I was simply doing my job. I didn't want to apologize for that," Lisbon explained simply.

"What happened next?"

Lisbon stopped, she had to take a deep breath but it did nothing to help the heavy pounding of her heart. "I…I went outside to get some air." She omitted the fact that the reason for that was her sensual dance with Jane. "I was standing out by the window looking in when…when someone came up behind me and slammed my head against the wall."

She stared off, at the wall opposite to her; she couldn't look at anyone, not her team and most certainly not at _him_. "I fell and he pinned my arms to my side and started dragging me away by my hair…at first I was too stunned to fight but then…then I couldn't get free.

"I tried to hit him but he slammed his fist into my stomach and I couldn't breathe. I was dragged to an alley nearby and thrown onto the ground. He was on top of me before I could move. I tried to kick him…to fight but he knew exactly what to do.

"He slammed my head against the concrete again and again and again," Lisbon said very softly, "until I couldn't think anymore. I…I didn't know what I was doing. But I could feel. I felt as he…he hit me and…and ripped my dress and then when he…when he…" she struggled, this was the hardest thing to admit. "I was raped."

The silence that followed was so loud; it was easy to hear the ticking of her watch and the harsh sound of her breathing. A tear slid down her cheek, then another…when had she started crying? She took the risk and snuck a glance at her team. Four identical expressions of pain and grief…but all of them had withstood it. In some ways they seemed so much stronger than her.

Carol cleared her throat. "Did you ever see your attacker?"

"No," she said quietly, "it was too dark…and he never spoke."

"Who found you?"

Lisbon took in a shaky breath. "After it was over…I don't know how long I lay on the ground. I got to my feet...and somehow stumbled to the parking lot. I was confused, in shock; I didn't really know what was happening. A friend found me, he called an ambulance and stayed with me until they came."

"Did the hospital collect evidence?"

"Yes they did, pictures and DNA."

Carol stepped forward. "Could you describe your injuries?"

She sat up straighter now, feeling a little better. At least the worst of it was behind her. "My left wrist was broken, I had a moderate concussion, numerous cuts and bruises on my face, hands and body, I needed fifty-six stitches total and two cracked ribs."

"Your team investigated your case, correct."

"Yes they did," Lisbon explained, "my team has the highest solve rate in the state, I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to have it. I knew they would do it well…and right."

Carol moved over to her desk and pulled up a sheet of papers. "This is the DNA test that compares the semen found on you to the defendant. Could you read the results?"

Lisbon shakily took the paper and looked it over. "The DNA from the suspect is a 99.6% match to the DNA collected from the victim."

The prosecutor handed the results to the judge, "The prosecution submits this document, and photographs for consideration." Lisbon caught a glimpse of the pictures taken at the hospital. She'd tried to forget about the bruised monster she had once appeared to be.

Carol turned back completely smug. "No further questions."

Lisbon sat in that seat silently praying that the defense would agree with that assessment. It had happened before, because really how could the defense hope to combat clear-cut evidence like DNA?

"Agent Lisbon, you have worked for the CBI for ten years, correct?"

Lisbon honestly had no idea where this was going. "Yes."

"And before that you were a detective in San Francisco?"

"Yes."

"Have you worked on any previous sexual assault cases?"

"Never my own," Lisbon stated, she was annoyed that this was being brought up.

"But you have before?"

"Yes, I have. I worked sexual assault cases in San Francisco and here," she practically hissed out. "Why does it matter?"

"So of course you understand that it is important to report the crime right away."

Lisbon knew where this was going, and it filled her with more rage then shame. "Yes."

"Then why did you try to deny it happened?"

She did duck her head down a little now; it was humiliating being reminded of this. "I was embarrassed. I thought that if I pretended it didn't happen then no one would find out…but I wasn't thinking clearly. There was no way I would have been able to hide it. Too much evidence had been left behind."

"Evidence that your team collected."

"My team took my case," Lisbon replied, "Of course they surveyed the scene."

The lawyer stepped closer. "Do you really believe it is possible for a team that you have mentored and become close to, to be partial in something like this?"

That was a damn good question that Lisbon hated entirely. Thankfully she knew exactly what the say. "My team conducted themselves like professionals the entire time on my case. If anything, I think they were simply motivated even more."

There, try and combat _that_.

But the lawyer wasn't fazed at all. "And what about Patrick Jane?"

Lisbon steadied herself and fought the natural urge to look at the man in question. "Jane is a part of my team too, everything I said stands with him too."

"But he was the one who identified my client."

She nodded. "Yes he was, he saw the burn scar that I felt the night I was attacked. Jane is the one who ultimately solved my case."

"And you think he was impartial?"

Lisbon eyed the woman angrily. "That is what I said."

"Even though you are in a relationship with him?"

There was no hiding the absolute shock on her face, not in a million years had she expected that statement to be said in court. She couldn't stop herself from looking at Jane, he looked more angry then surprised. "I…excuse me?"

The woman was smug as she stepped closer. "You cannot be surprised, Agent Lisbon. Your very own coworkers were very forthcoming about it, apparently you and Mr. Jane became particularly close after the attack. I'm simply questioning how close you became."

That actually made her relax just a small bit. Rumors, that was all this woman had. "Gossip? That is a very poor source."

"The prosecution agrees," Carol said standing up quickly, "Your honor, this cannot be relevant."

"The defense plans to establish that because of her relationship with Patrick Jane, the initial investigation was flawed from the beginning." Sanford's lawyer explained, "it was a malicious witch hunt that her team started."

"That isn't true!" Lisbon shouted.

"Are you saying you are not in a relationship with him?"

She glared at her. "I'm saying that Patrick Jane identifying Sanford as my rapist had nothing to do with a supposed relationship between us."

"You cannot deny that something changed between the two of you."

"No, I cannot and will not," Lisbon hissed. "He was the one who found me that night, he held me until the ambulance came and told me that everything would be all right. He was the only person for a very long time that I could trust, he was the only one who could touch me and not make me feel sick inside.

"The truth is that I was completely broken, Sanford _destroyed_ me. You cannot understand what it is like to live with knowing that a monster violated you, for every second of every day I lived in absolute fear and I _hated_ myself for what happened. And I will always be grateful to Jane for being the one to pull the gun out of my hand and then help me to pick up the pieces of my shattered life."

She stared at Sanford's lawyer square in the eye. "Jane saved me. I won't deny that. Next question?"

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Sanford's lawyer was never able to really recover from Lisbon's impassioned monologue. She was able to step down afterwards and so she joined her team, holding Jane's hand tightly when the judge announced that he had heard quite enough.

"It is the opinion of the court that the defense has not presented enough evidence to suggest any fault in the investigation, in fact, by all appearances the investigation was flawless even if it was conducted from an unlikely source."

Lisbon breathed a sigh of relief then as the rest of the team silently celebrated themselves. The judge simply continued. "Therefore, the request for dismissal is denied and a trial date will be set, unless the defense would like to change it's plea again."

"That won't be necessary," Carol said quickly, "the prosecution is not willing to accept the plea bargain now."

"Then a trial date will be set for the seventeenth of August," the Judge declared and then dismissed the court with a bang of his gavel.

Lisbon sat back in the bench, too happy to do anything more than smile and breathe easily once more. The rest of her team were happy to slap each other's back in relief except Jane who still didn't let go of her hand. She turned her head to watch as Sanford was escorted out of the courtroom, still wearing his handcuffs.

For once he did not look so superior.

Finally she stood up from the bench and let Jane lead her out of the courtroom. A part of her was still trying to come to terms that it was over, or near about. Yes the trial would come but Lisbon wasn't worried about that.

She'd already done it. She'd stood up in front of God and the courts and let the world know what Sanford had done to her…and she'd won. There was no doubt she could do it again. She wasn't afraid, wasn't doubting herself. This chapter of her life was finally about ready to be closed for good once and for all.

Lisbon was proud of her life now damn it and she wasn't going to hide it anymore.

She stopped in her tracks and Jane turned to look at her. They were standing in the middle of the hallway of the courthouse, the rest of their team, clerks, and other agents all nearby. But she didn't care. She tugged on his hand to pull him closer and stood on her toes to kiss him in front of everyone.

Jane was surprised but she felt his smile against her lips and in a minute he was responding with equal happiness. The kiss was just a little too long to be suitable for public viewing if Cho's grouchy, "Get a room" was any indication.

Jane pulled back, still smiling. "And what was that for?"

"I was letting everyone know that you're mine."

"And here I was thinking that it as you who belonged to me."

She shook her head. "Only in your dreams."

He laughed and pulled her close, his arm wrapped around her as they walked out of the courthouse, ignoring the stares that followed them. They were far too happy to care.

* * *

It was the team's suggestion to go out and celebrate at their favorite bar that evening. Lisbon was all to happy to agree, she was ready to down a beer and let the stress of this past week finally leave her system. Word was quickly spreading around the CBI about her and Jane's kiss at the courthouse, thankfully the day at court had taken most of the afternoon so she didn't have to pretend that to be ignoring stares for too long.

Still it was easier once they were at the bar and away from the gossip for a little while. But she didn't regret her decision to make her relationship with Jane public; she was relieved that it was finally out in the open. More than that, after finally going toe to toe with her own personal monster, she didn't give a fig what people thought of her love life.

The bar was packed which is why the five of them had to squeeze into a table for four which Lisbon didn't mind, she took the opportunity to sit on Jane's lap which raised a couple of eyebrows and made Grace grin like a romantic fool. Lisbon just acted like nothing was unusual. "It was his lap or the floor," she pointed out to Cho's questioning look. Then she turned to Jane. "I highly doubt you mind, right Jane?"

Jane grinned. "Not in the least, I like the access."

Grace snickered while Cho quickly stood to his feet. "I need another beer."

"Me too," Rigsby replied, joining his friend.

"Was it something I said?" Jane asked. Van Pelt shook her head, laughing a little.

Lisbon shrugged. "Should we call them back and actually act like adults?"

"Ignore them," Grace said, "they're men. They feel like its watching their parents make out."

"Jesus, I'd never want to be their mother," Lisbon said dryly.

"You've always been their mother," Jane pointed out.

"And what the hell does that make you? And don't you dare say you're their father."

Jane shrugged. "Crazy boyfriend?"

She smirked. "You got the crazy part right."

"That hurt."

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "You started it!"

"So?"

"So don't start something you didn't intend finish."

Jane grinned now devilishly. "What are we talking about exactly?"

"This conversation." Lisbon pointed out confused. "What else would we be talking about?"

"Oh because I was sure you were talking about something more personal."

"Excuse me?"

"Well you said don't start something unless I plan to finish it and unless I'm mistaken I always…"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence." Lisbon cut in quickly, her cheeks starting to turn bright pink.

"Why not, it isn't like they don't know about the birds and the bees." He nodded to the boys who were already on their way over.

"Jane!"

"You wanted to be more open."

"That isn't what I meant and you know it."

"So you want people to know we have a relationship but don't have one?"

Lisbon glared at him. "I don't need everyone knowing about our sex life."

He laughed lightly. "I hate to break it to you dear they have known about our sex life for a lot longer then we have been having sex."

"What are you talking about?"

"The bets." Jane told her simply, "Don't tell me you don't know about the bets that everyone has made about us?"

"I don't listen to the rumor mills."

"But these are ones about us. You know when we would first kiss, who makes the first move or my personal favorite how many times in my attic we have done it."

"Bite me."

He grinned cheekily now. "Where?"

"Go to hell."

"Get a room!" Cho stated for the second time that day, this time it was a more of a request.

"What a brilliant idea Cho," Jane smirked.

"Like hell I'm getting a room with you." Lisbon grumbled.

"What did I do?"

"You opened your mouth."

"But I thought you liked it when I did that."

"Please stop! My ears are bleeding" Rigsby exclaimed

"Oh, we're done Rigsby." Jane assured him. "At least for now," he whispered into her ear, making her flush a tomato red. She had no doubt that Jane was serious about that and a part of her was ready to grab him and head straight for the door.

Her phone rang then, putting any sexy rendezvous with Jane on hold for the moment. She groaned when she saw that it was Bertram's number. Jane snuck a peek and smiled. "Oh this'll be fun."

Lisbon gave him a look as she answered. "This is Agent Lisbon."

"What the hell happened in that court house?"

His voice was so loud that Jane could hear him through the phone and the man immediately started snickering. "A preliminary hearing on my case," Lisbon answered, feeling a little daring now. "You'll be happy to hear that it ended in my favor."

"I'm talking about you and your consultant!"

"What exactly are you suggesting?"

"You know what I'm talking about, Agent. Are you really sleeping with Jane?"

"Not at this very moment," Lisbon told him.

"This isn't a joke."

"I agree," she replied.

"Then answer my question!"

"No, I'm not sleeping with him." She met Jane's eyes and grinned, "He's living with me actually."

"What?!"

"I doubt you want me to repeat it."

"I should say not! Do you know how many rules you are violating right now, agent?"

"Yes I do. Zero." Lisbon was feeling rather smug herself now, "The rules against agents dating, are just for that, _agents._ Since Jane is my consultant, he is exempt."

"You think you'll get away with this on a technicality."

"No," Lisbon agreed, "but since Jane is Jane you and I both know that it would be best to keep him happy. I doubt firing the woman he loves would ensure that, not to mention the added publicity that would cause since my trial is about to happen. The press did so love to show the footage of my press conference over and over again."

Bertram was quiet for a very long time, she knew he was seething through the phone line. "I won't forget this, Agent."

"I didn't think so," Lisbon said and she heard the line go dead as Bertram hung up. She put the phone down and looked a little embarrassed. "I cannot believe I just did that."

"I think Jane's been a bad influence on you," Cho agreed, but he looked quite happy with her stand himself.

"Yes," Jane agreed, "but I think it goes both ways."

"Oh really?" Lisbon asked, "I've been a bad influence on _you_?"

"Yes, you influence me not to con people which goes against my very nature."

Lisbon pretended to be serious. "Hmmm shame on me then."

"Very much so." Jane agreed, "I'm not the same man that first walked in the CBI all those years."

"No, you aren't that man."

"See."

She grinned at him and smiled softly. "You are better."

There was no stopping him for placing a gentle kiss on her lips and the rest of the team didn't resent the tender moment between them either. They were all feeling happy and content, finally the world put to right after a truly terrible year for all of them. It was about damn time things calmed down.

But Lisbon's phone rang again.

"Damn Bertram," she muttered as she scrambled for it. But she was surprised to see that it wasn't Bertram's number on her caller I.D.

"Hello?" She answered and was surprised to hear that it was the head of security for the county holding on the line.

The team basically ignored the phone call until Jane saw the blood draining from Lisbon's face. "What is it?" Jane asked, all joking now gone. "What happened?"

All she could do was stare at him in utter shock.

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Jane and Lisbon were completely silent while the head of security explained what happened in the walk to the solitary confinement cells. "It wasn't until evening rounds that we saw…it. We checked the cameras but they go dark when it must have gone down. We still don't know how."

"Any idea how he got into the building?" Lisbon asked, knowing the answer already.

The man shook his head. "It's like he was a ghost."

"Not a ghost," Jane stated, "something much worse." Lisbon had to agree with that assessment.

Sanford's cell was a short ways down the hallway but Lisbon knew which one was his immediately. There were two guards nearby, the coroner and a forensic tech taking pictures…with a third guard throwing up at the other end of the hall. The smell of blood was the first thing Lisbon noticed…then she finally saw the gruesome sight for herself.

The monster who raped her was now lying on his cot, his chest brutally slashed open with deep vicious cuts, his blue jumpsuit caked with drying blood. Above his head on the gray drab concrete wall was the calling card of the killer she knew so well. A smiling face drawn in blood, the tears and smile dripping in the chilling grotesque sight that haunted her nightmares still.

But underneath the face was something new.

Written in blood was the quote Lisbon knew too. _"Revenge, which makes the foul offender quake"_.

Lisbon could do little more then stare at the horror that was laid out before her, she simply could not believe that this had happened. Red John had killed her rapist. Not in her wildest dreams had she ever thought that would happen.

She looked over at Sanford's pale face, his eyes open and lips agape, blood had pooled in his mouth. "I'm surprised he didn't scream," she said softly.

"His tongue was cut out," the coroner explained, "likely so that no one would hear when he tortured him."

"Torture?" Lisbon wondered, and she looked over the body more closely. She saw the large pool of blood that soaked Sanford's pants. Unusual since the blood from the wounds on his chest hadn't extended that far. "What did he do…?"

The coroner met her eyes and shook his head and suddenly Lisbon realized. "Oh my God, you mean he…he cut off…" She put a hand to her mouth, too shocked to feel any sort of revulsion. Jane put a hand on her shoulder and she accepted that comfort. She couldn't imagine what Jane was feeling but Lisbon found that she was too focused on her own emotions to try and comprehend his.

Maybe it was curiosity…or just the detective in her that needed all of the answer. "Where…did he take…_it_?"

The coroner shook his head again. "It was in his mouth. We took it out before you got here…you didn't need to see that." No, she supposed she didn't. But her imagination ensured that she would anyways. "Don't know what the writing means. Do you have any idea?"

Yes she did…but she wasn't about to share that part with him. "No," Lisbon admitted. "I don't." Then she turned to Jane, meeting his eyes for the first time. For once he didn't look entirely focused on his obsession…no, he only looked concerned for her. "Can we go?"

Jane nodded and took her arm, carefully steering her out of the cell and down the hall. They didn't stop until they were outside, standing the light of a dim streetlight and completely alone from the chaos inside.

For a few seconds all they did was stand there in silence, both of them trying to come to terms with what they had just scene and what it all meant. It was Lisbon who finally broke the silence with her pointing out something that terrified her. "He knows about Lavinia."

Jane nodded. "There was only one reason he wrote that on the wall."

"How?"

He shrugged. "The same way I knew, he kept tabs on you. Clearly he was invested in what happened from the beginning."

"So…why now? Why kill Sanford now?"

Jane met her eyes calmly. "He respected your wish. He let you stand up to Sanford, he let you win. Then he gave Sanford the punishment he believed he deserved. No doubt he loved the irony of bringing an end just like Shakespeare intended."

Lisbon knew Jane was right about that. But there was one thing that bothered her about this. "He did this because Sanford raped me."

"Yes," Jane agreed. "It shouldn't be a surprise that Red John watched out for you, no doubt he respects and admires you too. Who couldn't?"

She nodded and met his eyes, hers filled with questions. "But who did he do this for, Jane. Was it for me…or for you?"

He was quiet for a while as he thought about it. There was no way Jane could deny that he wanted Sanford dead, and he could very well say he was upset now. But he hadn't manipulated Red John this time…no this time it was all Red John's intentions.

"I don't know," Jane admitted, "I'm certain he knew I wanted this…but the brutal way he went about it…that was the mark of someone who was utterly disgusted by what Sanford did." Jane met her eyes. "Perhaps it was for both of us…and Red John wanted him dead too."

Lisbon turned to look at the building where Sanford's body was now being undoubtedly packed off to the morgue. Dead, he was dead. There would never be any escape for him now. He was gone.

"Take me home," Lisbon said, "take me away from here."

Jane didn't hesitate, but pulled her close and immediately steered her towards his car.

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There were no celebrations or promise of sensual foreplay that night; it was replaced by somberness and distress. Lisbon couldn't very well say she was unhappy that Sanford was no longer breathing the same air as her…but she wasn't sure how she felt that it was by the hands of and even more terrifying monster. The implications of that act left a bad taste in her mouth and the shadow of fear hanging over her.

She lay in Jane's arms, drawing comfort from his presence but neither one of them pretended to be trying to sleep. Not when so much was whirling through their minds. "Red John knows about us," Lisbon stated.

She felt him nod against her head. "I always knew that."

"You didn't say anything."

"I didn't want you to be afraid," Jane explained, "for now we can content ourselves that he obviously doesn't mind or care. He'll leave us alone."

"Until he gets bored," Lisbon said.

"When that happens we'll be ready," Jane replied.

Lisbon knew Jane's bravado was partly true, but also as a means to try and hide how much this scared him. He didn't want to lose another woman he loved. She turned in his arms to face up, running her fingertips over his cheek. "You won't lose me, Patrick," she promised him.

His lips curled in a soft smile and he reached up to hold her fingers in his. "I know."

She rested her head on his chest, knowing that while his fears were allayed, at least he wasn't completely dwelling on something that may not even come to past. Another thought came to her mind, something that she had nearly forgotten in the chaos.

"It's over," Lisbon pointed out, "It really is over now."

Jane kissed the top of her head. "Yes it is."

She closed her eyes knowing that sleep wouldn't come for a while but knew it would eventually. She wondered what she would dream about now that Sanford was dead. In the end it was a fitting death.

At the hands of Revenge.

* * *

Sanford's death rocked the team and most of the CBI, not that anyone mourned his death but it was still a sobering reminder that there were other evils in this world. Lisbon's attack had overshadowed the monster that had plagued them for years, now with Sanford's death it seemed balance was being restored back to how it was before. Perhaps that had been Red John's intention all along.

Except there was no way that anyone could forget what had happened, especially not Lisbon. While Red John could be priority once more, Lisbon would still live with the memories of her rape for the rest of her life. And there was no going back to life before completely, both she and Jane had change profoundly because of it, for good in some cases.

Three days passed in the post Sanford world and they were all finally coming to terms with it. Lisbon had marveled over the fact that she could walk around with the knowledge that she was well and truly free of him. It was something she was glad for even if the circumstances were not what she had wished.

But being free didn't mean freedom from what had happened. She recognized that and perhaps that was what pushed her to do the one thing she'd sworn she wouldn't. But Jane hadn't been surprised by her request at all, giving her a knowing smile and supporting her completely.

She still hesitated when they made it to the park, the sun starting to set and shadows growing into the darkness. The place was filled with people, mostly women, though Jane was far from being the only man there. There were several large signs around the area, other women carried signs with various slogans, the most popular being "No means no".

There was a small platform and one woman stood before a microphone, she was sharing her story of being attacked when she was a college student at nineteen, how she kept it to herself, that the pain and guilt led to a life of alcohol and drugs. It wasn't an easy thing to hear, especially since Lisbon knew how it easy it was to turn to addictions in order to ease the pain.

She and Jane remained mostly on the outskirts of the crowd, the women holding lit candles and she saw several wearing purple buttons with the words "I Survived" written on them. Dozens of them, standing together, mingling with those who were supporters. So many Lavinias all together, so many women who understood exactly how she did.

Mona was standing by one of the booths where people could buy t-shirts and other gear or simply donate to the cause. She smiled when she saw Lisbon and Jane and headed straight for them. "I'm glad you came, it means a lot to us…and Lisa."

Lisbon looked over to see a large picture of Lisa resting on an easel, a small memorial that spoke a lot for everyone's grief here. She turned back to Mona. "Well she was doing an amazing thing."

The other woman nodded. "I am grateful for what you did, it's terrible what happened to her, I'm glad justice is being served."

"We're only doing out job," Lisbon assured her.

"But still…thank you."

She smiled at Mona genuinely. "We're glad we were able to help."

Mona nodded. "Please, have a look around. This is a place to help others heal." She looked right at Lisbon but it wasn't judgmental, simply with a kind smile, "that's all we want."

Lisbon smiled again and nodded, she took Jane's hand and they walked away. He laced his fingers through hers and they took the tour around the park, watching as others spoke of their own stories or simply provided a comforting shoulder to lean on.

Jane studied her after a moment. "You all right?"

She turned to look at him. "Yeah…just a little overwhelmed. A part of me wishes I'd thought about something like this before…but another part of me is glad I went through it alone."

"You were never alone," Jane assured her.

She smiled and squeezed his hand. "I know." Lisbon held his gaze with a bit of awe in her eyes. "You even said it, you told me I wasn't a victim…that I was a survivor."

"It's true," Jane reminded her, then nodded his head to the big white poster over her shoulder. It was impossible to miss. It stretched for about ten feet and had "I Survived" emblazoned across it. Women stepped forward, taking pens and writing down their names before accepting one of the purple buttons, displaying their own solidarity in the tragedy that bound them together.

The idea of stepping up and revealing to the world that she was one of them was frightening. She still felt like hiding, that if she pretended she wasn't one of them then no one would know. But pretending would not erase the memories, the nightmares that would haunt her, the scars that would never ever go away.

But they could heal.

Lisbon squeezed Jane's hand again before letting go and stepping towards the poster. Her heart pounded even though she shouldn't have been so anxious. She took one of the black Sharpies that were lying beside it and hesitated for moment before finally putting pen to paper.

_Teresa Lisbon ~ September 17, 2012_

One of the volunteers smiled at her warmly when she returned the pen and handed her one of the purple buttons. She held it in her fingers and stared at it for few seconds. It was a badge, not one of honor but one that signified strength and courage…and pain. Jane stepped up to her and put a hand on her shoulder. "You going to put it on?"

Lisbon still stared at the button for another moment before finally releasing a sigh of relief and fear. Then she slipped the button onto the breast of her jacket and let the world see what she was.

A survivor.

* * *

A/N: A long time ago when I was still planning Lavinia I thought about ending it with Red John killing Sanford, but I decided I wanted it to be about Lisbon's journey. Still that idea refused to leave me and finally this idea came to be, but I still wanted to end it about Lisbon's healing since that was what this story is about, not Red John but rather Lisbon's attack and the journey she went through to heal. I hope you guys enjoyed going back to this little world I created...who knows, maybe I'll find my way back to this one again.


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